• SB


Updated: Apr 1, 2019

Last week's blog was an introduction to this week's post. As a quick recap, the inspiration came from this verse:

15 Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it. Mark 10:15

I do not think Big Mouth was an example of a children's show, yet I thought it was for 8 episodes. Does that mean I have a childlike mind? No... I don't think so.

So what does it mean to think like a child?

I stumbled across a blog this summer

Thank you for checking on me. I am a 15 year old sophmore at my wonderful school, Caddo Magnet HIGH! Most of you already know this, but I'm a goal keeper for the Magnet girls varsity soccer team as well as the Shreveport Strikers club team. I love both my teams and my coaches. =] I have a disease called Rhabdomyosarcoma,{a soft tissue tumor}, mine is in my throat area. If you want to know where specifically it is, then think about the roof of your mouth, (your hard pallet) then behind that is your soft pallet, and thats where the tumor was found. I found out about it December 21, 2009. 
It all happened very fast.  A couple of weeks prior to this date I noticed a strange growth on the roof of my mouth towards the back.  I showed my mom(Sunday) and the next day we went to see Dr. Mac Sr(Monday).  He didn't, couldn't figure out what it could be and my blood count was fine, so he sent me to an ear nose and throat specialist, Dr. Eric Rice, the next day(Tuesday) . He didn't think it was anything serious and that he had seen them in ages young to old. He called it a wart, but I asked him if it could be cancerous and he said yes, but mine looked fine. So, we made appt. for a surgery a week later(the following Tuesday,15), had it removed, and sent it to get a biopsy. While I was in recovery for another week (and could hardly eat) the results came back the following Monday as malignant. Dr. Rice wanted to do another surgery the next day and then send me to St Judes, but when we talked to Dr. Mac Sr. he said I needed to get it done at St. Judes. Thats exactly what we decided to do and we are going Dec. 27. 
Please, come and join me on this journey I am about to take. See this from my point of view and feel what I feel. I want you with me, your thoughts and prayers are all welcomed. Understand that I'm a little scared, but mostly happy. I'm going to help people. If I have to suffer something good is going to come out of it. God picked me for some special reason and I've accepted his will for me.  I know he hears me and he knows I'm going to help those childern who are already up there, I'm going to get a head start on becoming the doctor I want to be, and I'm going to raise money with a passion like no one else. Enjoy what you read and HAVE FAITH.

While it is full of spelling errors the positivity in that story is what took me aback.

This is honestly the part that got me:

"Understand that I'm a little scared, but mostly happy. I'm going to help people. If I have to suffer something good is going to come out of it.... I know [H]e hears me and [H]e knows I'm going to help those child[re]n who are already up there,"


I wrote that blog.

Yes, I was diagnosed with cancer in 2009 and in the midst of this time off I found my old blog.

I actually cried when I read that introduction because it honestly felt like another person wrote it. As I have gotten older I feel it is harder to stay positive. In the midst of my diagnosis and treatment I truly was happy and my mission was passionate, as clearly stated above. I was also at peace if my journey ended at 15 which is probably why I chose to make the most of it.

But I lived.

As a cancer patient I literally experienced the power and healing of God. My body broke. I slowly went from a varsity soccer player, to a girl with a brace on her right leg, to a girl with braces on both her legs, to a girl who needed a walker to walk. Eventually, again slowly, it went in reverse. I went from a walker, to two braces, to one, to none. That experience was so humbling. Restoring my ability to run had an even bigger impact on me, one that made me so grateful that I wanted to show my appreciation. So I took to racing.

I started racing in triathlons in 2014, four full years after my chemo had ended. I needed knee surgery shortly after my first race, but that did not stop me for long. People told me I was pretty good at it, so I humbly listened to what they could teach me. Sure enough I turned into a winner. Everything I set out to do with those triathlons/races really was a testimony to how awesome God is.

There was one triathlon in particular I wanted to support, one I had been keeping tabs on for years,

The RyanMan Triathlon:

The RyanMan Foundation was founded in 2014 with the mission to support the fight against Childhood Cancer, within the State of Mississippi. The foundation was established in honor of Ryan LaSource, who at the age of 3, is now fighting Leukemia for the fourth time!

I never met Ryan, but obviously his story touched me. He and his family continued to battle for the forth time. In the midst of their struggle they established a foundation that not only raises awareness and money for childhood cancer, but does so through a 1.2-mile swim, 56-mile bike and 13.1-mile run.

July 4th seems to be the biggest deal in my city because of the annual FireCracker 5k. Hundreds of people come out to race, but if you are one of the first 80 women to finish you win a glass mug and bragging rights for the whole year. I had just raced my second FireCracker 5k, with a win coming in 31 out of 80.That day in the midst of celebrating I bumped into a friend of mine who races Ryanman every year. He originally told me about Ryan and through him I kept up with how Ryan was doing.

He sadly told me Ryan passed away in June.

My win that day didn't matter because Ryan died. While I kept my composure till I walked to the car, as soon as I was inside, I burst into tears.

I didn't understand. For months I wouldn't. Why would God take this child. The God that healed me, why did he not take me? Why couldn't Ryan live on instead? Why am I still here?

I heard a voice that told me,

Because your story is not yet finished.

What Ryan did in three years was something that I had not done in 21. It is crazy to think that I did not know Ryan or his family and neither knew me. We had no relationship, except through his story. His story resonated with me so much that my whole day changed, I cried and grieved for this child I never met.

His obituary read,

Through all the trials, Ryan kept his faith in God. Ryan told us that "God will heal my port when I go to heaven" and "I really don't like my coughs, but God will make them better, it just takes a while." Ryan showed so much strength in what he endured, but he didn't see it that way. To Ryan this was just life, and he did normal, fun life with everyone he came in contact with. So much love radiated from Ryan and it will continue to radiate every time his name is spoken or his picture is looked at.

I was angry with God over Ryan, but Ryan was not angry because of his childlike mind. I once had that too, apparent in my very own writing.

Childlike is defined as:

resembling, suggesting, or appropriate to a child; marked by innocence, trust, and ingenuousness (NLT Study Bible)

Psalm 116.6

The Lord protects those of childlike faith; I was facing death, and he saved me.

Ryan gladly went on forever saved in a new body, no longer sick or suffering.

I am here in this saved body, I faced death and He saved me. I will face death again and He will save me again, maybe not with the remains of this Earthly body, but an eternal one.

I hope we can all learn from Ryan what it means to have childlike faith.

P.S. They are still continuing the Ryanman Triathlons!

Come on Rocket, read the room man!

#howesyourday #ryanman #childlike

Thanks for reading. I can't believe we've made it through five blogs. If you liked what you read, please share it!

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